Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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