he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
