you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize