It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
