Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
