i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
