in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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