maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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