hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
smell my finger.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize