She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
