so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
