I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
