I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
