We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've changed since you got that strap on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
