I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
