Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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