I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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