Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
