it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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