She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
