He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
