I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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