Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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