Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
