I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
