Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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