She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize