I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
