I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
