She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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