I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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