you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
