I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
