My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
