this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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