how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
