Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
