dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I party with great urgency now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
