so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize