The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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