A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
