im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
