You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
