I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
