How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
