Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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