if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
