Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
