watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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