just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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