Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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