If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
