Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
