lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize