I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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