she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude. I can hear the air.
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