True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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