It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
