once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
