well I can't set my house on fire every night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
