i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
