you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
