listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
