yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
