She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
