Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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