i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
