I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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