I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
