What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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