hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
