3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
