PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
