Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
