So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
