This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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