i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
